“The worst distance between two people is misunderstanding.”
(via psych-facts)

everything personal

tumharay liye

I’ve experienced hardships most people do not understand, however that doesn’t mean that I’m downplaying yours. I’ve learned over the years that whenever I’ve been truly content, it’s snatched out of my hands. I’ve learnt that no matter how much I try to hold on, like water between my cupped hands, I always end up losing what I love. I’ve had a lot of anger, a lot of resentment and a mind crippled by self-doubt and low self esteem. I’ve overcome a lot of the hatred I had for myself, as well as the anger and hostility for those around me. I’m far from perfect, I know this. I know I made some mistakes, but I never meant for all that hurt. I never meant to ignore you, I never meant to be the person I was back then, and I never meant to be addicted to the things I was addicted to. We had misunderstandings, stemming from our own miscommunication. I wish you’d shown me more affection, I wish you’d shared more of your emotions. I know you think that makes you weak, and vulnerable, but all of our small moments together is why I still can’t get you out of my head. The times when I could perfectly see a twinkle in your deep brown eyes when they looked back into me. those eyes of yours which Ill never be able to forget, because they made me feel like I was worth a damn. The first time I ever noticed this was kissing you outside of your car in the rain after our Korean dinner. I should have trusted you more, especially with my own behavior, I would never have hurt you in that way, as I know you wouldn’t have hurt me either. I’m sorry for looking for arguments and differences, all the times I pushed your buttons, all the times I should have been more patient and affectionate, and all the times I wish I’d paid you more attention. I can’t seem to stop thinking about you and I, every memory we’ve had, the first time we were by ourselves, how much I enjoyed kissing you, how soft your lips felt against mine, how you tasted so sweet, how one kiss on top of that car could get me hooked to you so quick. I should never have tried to make you mine, I’m sorry I ever did. I was lucky to be yours, if you ever considered me that. I should have realized that you’ll never be mine, or anyone’s for that matter, but if they’re lucky, you’ll let them catch a glimpse inside your mind. I’m sorry I was in such a rush, how I ignored you because of my own delusions, but how much it hurt when you didn’t appreciate any of my gestures of affection, misguided though they were. I know I can’t go back in time and fix anything, but it’s not just the bad memories I associate with you. I miss our talks, I miss how when I was with you I felt completely vulnerable, yet safe. I miss how your lips tasted, how smooth your thighs felt around my head, how your breathing would get harder and louder/ your fingers were running through my hair, your legs wrapped around my head as your body would writhe in pleasure with my hand grasping your neck and holding you down till you could finally break free in between gasps and moans. I miss how you tasted, despite how much you hated me leaving any marks on your body. I miss how you’d flinch and gasp softly whenever I used to nibble on your skin, your nails digging into my back as I dug my teeth in deeper. I guess I was wrong to ‘mark’ you as mine, it was just me trying to hold on to something I knew I would lose. Instead I should have appreciated being able to share every moment I did with you. I don’t want to hold on to any anger any more, life’s too short for that. There was a reason I didn’t die when I ended up in the ER and woke up in the middle of my surgery. You’ll always be meri jaan, no matter what happens, don’t you ever forget that.

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“How lovely the Lord has made you, I can’t take my eyes off you.”
Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan (via twb-umayr)


it’s interesting to me that ppl associate forced labor with communism when you will most likely literally die if you don’t work under capitalism


Canned Qualities by Flowmarket
“I like it when it rains hard. It sounds like white noise everywhere, which is like silence but not empty.”
Mark Haddon, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time  (via emiliaclarke)